Some (or most) people have a doctor that was randomly picked, and maybe a pharmacist throughout their pregnancy, and attend maybe one or two classes, and fill out an album sometime during the third year, and run accross pregnancy photos. Then there's us. We found out at 17 weeks along that we were expecting, and never looked back. We had dreamt over the years what it would be like to have a baby. What kind of parents we'd be. But ultimately, we'd been told that my chances of pregnancy ever were slim, and even if I became pregnant that our chances of the pregnancy coming to term, with a healthy baby, were even slimmer. So while we'd wondered and day dreamed, it usually included an adoptive child, in our 30's or 40's. Little did we know, the November we decided to start planning for a move to a beach after we got schooling and funds out of the way, I was already carrying what would be our tiny daughter.
I, ironically, even had a breakdown where I became depressed for weeks about how I'd never experience pregnancy, never feel tiny kicks and jabs. That I'd never give Lev a tiny baby that looked like him. That I'd never hold his hand, and bear down and push a baby with his eyes, his hair, and his temperament into this world for him. That he'd never hold a soft, fragile, newborn and think, "I made this.". And so much more.
You might wonder, "What's wrong with that baby factory of yours, Amanda?", the answer is that from the very beginning, as young as 12 years old, I went in to see a doctor for intense abdominal pains and cramp-like pains that seemed to practically paralyze me. They took x-rays and examined me, and shortly there after told me that I had an unusual uterus shape and it caused things to run a little funky when i menstruated. This is normally no big deal, but I also had an odd pelvic bone. It was basically a collection of tiny things, that while insignificant to have otherwise, together would make things very hard and weird as far as periods, sex and babies went. They didn't say I couldn't have babies, but everytime I talked about being a mom later on after that, my parents looked at me like someone who didn't know they couldn't fly. I figured maybe I would need help, later on, like invitro or something similar. This all made things a little weird, but I never asked more about it and my parents barely skimmed the topic with as little detail as possible.
Then, in our second year together, we suffered a misscariage, you can read about that here. After that, we were told that since I'd miscarried later on, that it 'traumatized' the uterine walls and cervix. That we would be lucky if we ever were able to get pregnant again. I had decided that we'd just adopt, because I couldn't go through that again. Lev agreed, because millions of kids need homes, and it's "ecologically responsible".
I started feeling really sick, and gaining weight in February. (My period has never been normal or had a sched so that wasn't an indicator of anything.) Lev joked that we could be pregnant, but I figured I just having another health problem. After a week or so, though, Lev told me it was time to get a test. We went and got a test from the store up the street. I was too nervous to take it right then, so I went home. Two days later, I woke up really early, and decided to take it. It was positive. I didn't know how I'd tell Lev and regretted not waiting on him to take it. I was in a haze for a while, and finally about a week later, the day after Valentine's Day, we were watching a movie, and I just blurted out, "We're having a baby.". He just looked at me for a minute and we were quiet for what felt like hours. Finally, right before I left, he hugged me and said, "We'll get through this.".
We didn't know how far a long we were and didn't suspect any further than maybe 8 weeks. We went into Planned Parenthood for a confirmation, and were told my levels were crazy high and I might have multiples or be later than we thought. We then decided to get a little emotional support by getting a mentor at Pregnancy Care Center. (A fantastic place. If you have one near you, and are expecting, I highly reccomend signing up!) When we went in, we found out we would be getting an ultrasound. This was wonderful and terrible all at the same time. We felt like jumping for joy that we might get another chance to be parents of our own baby, but terrified that it'd end like the last pregnancy had. That the ultrasound would show no heartbeat. I laid down on the table, and asked that she begin before all the other people were allowed in. I wanted to be alone when I found out, if this baby was dead. She said okay and knowing my fear, sadly and slowly gelled my belly up and touched the monitor to my abdomen. She smiled immediatly. I was straining to see the tell-tale jelly bean that would be my baby. She set it down and asked if she could go get the rest of the family, and Lev now that we knew it had heart beat. I hadn't heard a thing, or saw anything, but assumed she'd know better. Lev was the first to come in, he walked up and looked me straight in the eyes and motioned towards my belly, I nodded yes. He perked up and asked what it looked like, I said I didn't have a clue, just that it's alive! She started up the machine and I saw an oddly shaped rounded off things, almost bean-shaped, and said, "Is that the baby?", she looked at me and said, "definitly.". My mom said, "Where's the head?", and the ultrasound tech said, "oh just a minute, I've got to find it first.". Me and Lev looked at eachother, how far a long was this baby?? She showed us a perfecty human-looking baby head. And Lev teared up. I asked of course how far I was, by now realizing it's not no 8 weeks! She measured the baby's leg bones and said 17 weeks, leaving us all in shock. We were baffled.
Later on, we were told she was 'too tiny' and after several pre-term labour scares, we realized that this baby was going to be a lot of work. She just wanted to be born early, she didn't want to gain weight, she got sick often. We spent many restless and worrisome nights listening to her little heart beat on the doppler we had bought after our first scare.
So, as mentioned earlier, while some couples do the album years after Baby's born, and 'run across' pregnancy photos, and have a random dr and that's it, we had the whole shabang. We knew this was going to be our only child, and how special this pregnancy is. We've taken pictures every week, we have a mentor, and a doula. We take every class we can, and religiously read pregnancy and birthing books.We chose our doctor for the number of healthy babies delivered, the reviews and how many years she's been in practice. We try to document every moment we get with this special person that is our daughter. We cherish every heart beat, every kick, and every week. We love our Little Foot.
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