Dear Sprout,
Today we took you to get your first shots, they went okay.
Well, that's the very short and emotionless explanation. But as your mother, (which at some age I'm sure you'll learn, is dramatic and sensitive.) I'm obligated to tell you the long version.
Which is this:
We talked for a long time about not giving you your shots, but when i really thought about the odds, I figured I'd rather have to take you to the ER because I did what your pediatrician (an expert on your tiny baby body and health!) told me was best and what I felt would save trouble and your health, rather than skip it, because I was scared of the pain you'd feel. (which is my personal 'feel' about it, some mamas just feel its best to skip, and that's just what was best for their families!)
So when it came time to get your shots, we drove you to a tiny office labeled "Health Department" and waited for them to call your sweet name. They did, and we went to a tiny room with a mobile hanging over what looked like a torture table. Momma felt a tight knot in her tummy, and fought watery eyes. She wanted to be brave for you, but she was so scared for you. Poppa rubbed your tiny head of hair and told you how sweet and cute you were. We both listened intently as the nurse explained possible side effects (nausea inducing to think about some of them!) and the type of painkiller we could give you. She explained our options for administration.
It went something like this:
Hold your teensy tiny baby down, Poppa on legs, Momma on arms, and we'll stab her three times in her itty bitty baby thighs.
OR
Momma can scrunch the baby up and hold her still while someone comes up from behind and stabs her.
Momma felt so bad!! It broke her heart to think of holding you down like that!!
So Momma asked if she could nurse you and hold you. We luck out! The nurse was also a lactation consultant and had no qualms with it! So I latched you on and you looked up at me with your big blues, and nursed. I felt her grab your small thigh and you turned a shade of red I hadn't seen yet, and sucked in more air than I thought possible, and to our surprise, let out a heart wrenching quiet cry. She waited for you to latch back on, which you did pretty quick and then gave you two more, it went quick and you only whimpered.
I was super proud. I didn't end up crying, and for the second time that day, I got complimented excessively on being a bfing momma. It's moments like this one, that I am truly grateful to have been nursing!!
Until next time-
Love, Momma!
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
Nexplanon
Disclaimer: I hate, and I do mean hate it when guys, or really anyone, tries to assume any intense emotion a woman has must be because of hormones. You insinuate that women can't have real or genuine upsets, and if they do, they're so simple minded, it could only be hormones. It's a very sensitive and intense pet peeve of mine.
However. I can admit (after the fact) when it is indeed hormones causing my melt down. Lately that's been more and more than I like.
I recently got the nexplanon birth control. It's a small stick that goes into your upper arm and releases small amount of hormones, over a course of years, to increase the mucus around the cervix and prevent the sperm from entering the uterus. I enjoy the ease and simplicity of it, but it is clear that it has downfalls.
Reasons I am glad I got it:
1. It's easy- there's nothing to remember and the insertion was painless, despite the nasty looks of it.
2. It lasts! It provides you with birth control for 3 years. No re-insertion in that time period.
3. If your insurance covers birth control, it covers this. Which is great since it's a fortune out of pocket.
4. It's safe to have while breast feeding.
5. It's VERY effective. It does have one of the highest effectiveness rates among birth control options.
6. It's discreet. A myth I'd heard was that it's visible in your arm. I didn't really care, but I'm glad it isn't. It'd be weird. You can see it if you pull the skin tight around it, but at rest and un bothered it's virtually invisible. and after the first two weeks I completely forgot about it.
Reasons I might not leave it in for the whole 3 years:
1. It's giving me CRAZZZYYYY mood swings. I'm doing worse than when I was pregnant. Literally. I cried for half an hour becuase my boyfriend bought the pack of diapers with the better money value (more diapers in the bag for a lower price) rather than the bag with the cuter baby on it. I cried, folks. About a pack of freaking diapers.
I think that about wraps it up, I'd still reccomend it to any one looking for long term birth control, but it is a bit of a struggle at first with the mood swings.
However. I can admit (after the fact) when it is indeed hormones causing my melt down. Lately that's been more and more than I like.
I recently got the nexplanon birth control. It's a small stick that goes into your upper arm and releases small amount of hormones, over a course of years, to increase the mucus around the cervix and prevent the sperm from entering the uterus. I enjoy the ease and simplicity of it, but it is clear that it has downfalls.
Reasons I am glad I got it:
1. It's easy- there's nothing to remember and the insertion was painless, despite the nasty looks of it.
2. It lasts! It provides you with birth control for 3 years. No re-insertion in that time period.
3. If your insurance covers birth control, it covers this. Which is great since it's a fortune out of pocket.
4. It's safe to have while breast feeding.
5. It's VERY effective. It does have one of the highest effectiveness rates among birth control options.
6. It's discreet. A myth I'd heard was that it's visible in your arm. I didn't really care, but I'm glad it isn't. It'd be weird. You can see it if you pull the skin tight around it, but at rest and un bothered it's virtually invisible. and after the first two weeks I completely forgot about it.
Reasons I might not leave it in for the whole 3 years:
1. It's giving me CRAZZZYYYY mood swings. I'm doing worse than when I was pregnant. Literally. I cried for half an hour becuase my boyfriend bought the pack of diapers with the better money value (more diapers in the bag for a lower price) rather than the bag with the cuter baby on it. I cried, folks. About a pack of freaking diapers.
I think that about wraps it up, I'd still reccomend it to any one looking for long term birth control, but it is a bit of a struggle at first with the mood swings.
A Change Of Heart: Breastfeeding
Well, if you've read my previous thoughts on breastfeeding, you'd know we had a pretty rough patch. While some of it is just what it is (I.e. the clothing and leaking situation) a lot of my thoughts and feeling on it have changed. I love nursing for several reasons now and really hope to make it to 6 mos!
1. I love the way my daughter looks up at me when I nurse her.
Her eyes are dark blue and her face is sweet as can be. It brings a tear to my eye everytime we lock eyes and she tries to smile and nurse at the same time. I don't really know why, but I just love how she looks when I nurse her- she looks adorable! Her little lips trying to greedily take all the boob she can get and growling when it takes a minute to let down.
2. I adore her hands 'kneeding' me
She often tries to grab and massage my breast when letting down doesn't happen right away. Which I find adorable. Of course. She looks like she's really focusing on it and it just melts my heart!
3. I love being able to tell obnoxious family members she's hungry so I need to feed her.
Because they can't. ;D It's a bittersweet deal. I AM the only one with the breast that feeds this baby, so it means at 3am, it is me who must crawl out of bed and feed our tiny nursling. BUT I am also the one who gets to see her and hold her warm against my chest while she quietly and comfortably fills her tummy. Everyone else just has to hope they have what she wants and that it'll be enough. But I have what she will always want. (Even if they aren't hungry, they often comfort nurse, which is just barely sucking but not actually swallowing or trying to meet a goal.)
4. I (finally) enjoy the ease of it.
Previously, I had a rough patch and coveted the few times I made her a bottle. I looked forward to making her a bottle and hoped Levi would suggest it so I wouldn't have to feel guilty about it. Now though, making a bottle is a BIG deal. I can't stand how formila smells, I hate waiting for the water to warm up, I hate the powder mess. Blah blah blah. All I have to say, is that bottle feeding mamas DONT have it easy. For real. Any one who says a mom chooses bottle feeding selfishly, is most likely wrong. If not a special case, bottle feeding is usually the more difficult, pricey, and obnoxious way to go.
5. I love how cheap it is.
I cringe every time I buy a thing of formula. My wallet writhes in agony and my brain aches. I have come to wonder if the charge by the powdery grain for that stuff.
6. I take pride in knowing I made it.
It was excruciatingly hard the first month. I cried every time i nursed her, and so did she. It broke my heart seeing her struggle to latch on, and knowing that I could have so much trouble with something so natural. Levi saw the struggle and while he rallied me on, he also let me know that there is no shame in doing things differently.
All in all, i enjoy it now! and encourage other mums to power through it! :)
1. I love the way my daughter looks up at me when I nurse her.
Her eyes are dark blue and her face is sweet as can be. It brings a tear to my eye everytime we lock eyes and she tries to smile and nurse at the same time. I don't really know why, but I just love how she looks when I nurse her- she looks adorable! Her little lips trying to greedily take all the boob she can get and growling when it takes a minute to let down.
2. I adore her hands 'kneeding' me
She often tries to grab and massage my breast when letting down doesn't happen right away. Which I find adorable. Of course. She looks like she's really focusing on it and it just melts my heart!
3. I love being able to tell obnoxious family members she's hungry so I need to feed her.
Because they can't. ;D It's a bittersweet deal. I AM the only one with the breast that feeds this baby, so it means at 3am, it is me who must crawl out of bed and feed our tiny nursling. BUT I am also the one who gets to see her and hold her warm against my chest while she quietly and comfortably fills her tummy. Everyone else just has to hope they have what she wants and that it'll be enough. But I have what she will always want. (Even if they aren't hungry, they often comfort nurse, which is just barely sucking but not actually swallowing or trying to meet a goal.)
4. I (finally) enjoy the ease of it.
Previously, I had a rough patch and coveted the few times I made her a bottle. I looked forward to making her a bottle and hoped Levi would suggest it so I wouldn't have to feel guilty about it. Now though, making a bottle is a BIG deal. I can't stand how formila smells, I hate waiting for the water to warm up, I hate the powder mess. Blah blah blah. All I have to say, is that bottle feeding mamas DONT have it easy. For real. Any one who says a mom chooses bottle feeding selfishly, is most likely wrong. If not a special case, bottle feeding is usually the more difficult, pricey, and obnoxious way to go.
5. I love how cheap it is.
I cringe every time I buy a thing of formula. My wallet writhes in agony and my brain aches. I have come to wonder if the charge by the powdery grain for that stuff.
6. I take pride in knowing I made it.
It was excruciatingly hard the first month. I cried every time i nursed her, and so did she. It broke my heart seeing her struggle to latch on, and knowing that I could have so much trouble with something so natural. Levi saw the struggle and while he rallied me on, he also let me know that there is no shame in doing things differently.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
1 Month Old Sprout
You just turned a month old!
here are some things about you:
1. You like this weird flower-bug toy, that creeps me out.
2. You like clam music.
3. You like to watch tv
4. You like your dad best-still!
5. You smiled a real, big, smile for dad, for the first time last week. Mom missed it!
6. You love to be cuddled.
7. Sometimes you won't sleep unless we're holding you. I think you just hate being alone. (it's okay, me too.)
8. You are advanced for your age group, and can hold yourself up on elbows, support your head, and suck your fingers.
9. You are in the 75th percentile for height, and the 25th percentile for weight. Very healthy, though!
10. You have started cooing and ahing for me.
11. You cry an awful lot, some call it colic, but I'll call it just being a little emotional. (;
12. You still eat about every hour to 5 hours, depending on your mood.
Here are some things about dad and mom:
1. We adore you.
2. We talk to you all the time- it's supposed to help development.
3. I read books to you, you like "snowy day" by ezra.
4. Dad changes most of your diapers, but I feed you most.
5. I still breast feed you- despite my battle with it.
6. I love dressing you in Halloween stuff. LOVE.
7. I'm really emotional about you- and possesive. I hate sharing you, especially with people other than your dad. Don't ask why!
8. I worry a lot that we wont document or save enough things now and later i'll regret it!
9. We are both still in school, trying to finish.
10. Our car is broke down!
11. Your aunts love you to death, Myra and Tabitha seem to be especially fascinated with you, and see you most. :)
here are some things about you:
1. You like this weird flower-bug toy, that creeps me out.
2. You like clam music.
3. You like to watch tv
4. You like your dad best-still!
5. You smiled a real, big, smile for dad, for the first time last week. Mom missed it!
6. You love to be cuddled.
7. Sometimes you won't sleep unless we're holding you. I think you just hate being alone. (it's okay, me too.)
8. You are advanced for your age group, and can hold yourself up on elbows, support your head, and suck your fingers.
9. You are in the 75th percentile for height, and the 25th percentile for weight. Very healthy, though!
10. You have started cooing and ahing for me.
11. You cry an awful lot, some call it colic, but I'll call it just being a little emotional. (;
12. You still eat about every hour to 5 hours, depending on your mood.
1. We adore you.
2. We talk to you all the time- it's supposed to help development.
3. I read books to you, you like "snowy day" by ezra.
4. Dad changes most of your diapers, but I feed you most.
5. I still breast feed you- despite my battle with it.
6. I love dressing you in Halloween stuff. LOVE.
7. I'm really emotional about you- and possesive. I hate sharing you, especially with people other than your dad. Don't ask why!
8. I worry a lot that we wont document or save enough things now and later i'll regret it!
9. We are both still in school, trying to finish.
10. Our car is broke down!
11. Your aunts love you to death, Myra and Tabitha seem to be especially fascinated with you, and see you most. :)
Monday, September 17, 2012
Letters To Sprout #3
(Sprout fit a lot better than little foot for two reasons. 1- she has got pretty big feet compared to other babies her age, and 2- Sprout just fit!)
Dear Sprout,
It's 11:27pm, and you're crying through your pacifier (the one I swore I'd never give you.) and flailing. It's pretty usual since you've got acid reflux, and are just a pretty fussy little thing right now. It smells like shaving cream because your dad just got out of the shower, and it's the perfect temperature outside so we have the windows open and we can hear the wind outside rustling soon-to-be fall leaves yet on the trees.
I love the faces you make right now. All of them, even your crying faces. They're adorable and precious and I want to capture them and save them so I can see them even when your grown and can read these on your own. You still haven't smiled for me yet, and at first my feelings were really hurt because you've smiled for everyone else, and I spend the most time with you. But I think maybe you're just waiting for a good moment. Or maybe you just feel too cozy with me to get excited and smile.
Whatever the case, I love your faces. Every single one. I love how soft your cashmere baby-skin is. I love the little hairs on your ears that I can see just out of the corner of my eyes when I'm burping you. I love how bulky you are, how you can barely get your feet to cross because of your weirdly and adorably proportioned baby body. I love how you smell, it's like baby soaps and love. I love your coos and ah's. I love how you hold yourself up on your elbows and look around at everything wide eyed like it's the most fantastic thing you've ever seen. I love your wide dark blue eyes, especially when they find my green ones, and stay for a bit. Melts my heart. I love your teensy-tiny hands, and the way you like to keep your thumbs out, bent, kind of like a bat. (Stella Luna??) I love how your hands grip at my skin and grab me. I love how you cling to me. I love how warm you are. I love how your hair is super thin and dark brown, and you've got tons in the back that I stroke when you sleep on me. Softest thing on earth next to your baby skin. I love even how you breathe, it seems so superior to everyone elses breathing. I could watch you sleep for hours. (and do.) I love how you and dad look nestled up together, him staring at you with a grin and tired eyes. Loving eyes.
You'll never know how much I love you. Not because you are too young to know, or because I love you more than everyone else, but because I love you so much I could never possibly articulate it accurately enough for you to comprehend. Never. The love I have for you doesnt have a "place" in my heart. It envelopes it, it's in all of me. The love I have for you fills my entire being and soul. It consumes my every action and thought. I love your dad VERY much. VERY much. But I can honestly say, that having you changes the way I love. The way I think about love. Because I love you like I never knew I could love anyone.
The day you were born, was the most intense day of my life. I'v never felt such love. The minute they held you up, I crowed, "I love her!". And I sobbed those words for hours after. I held you and nursed you through tears, looking around and telling everyone "I love her so much.", "I've never loved anyone like this.", "I love her more than anything.". I cried for hours. You'll never be loved as much as you were that day. Never. The instant love and fascination I had for you will eclipse any love anyone else will ever be able to show you. It's true, but you'll never remember it, so I will for you.
Dear Sprout,
It's 11:27pm, and you're crying through your pacifier (the one I swore I'd never give you.) and flailing. It's pretty usual since you've got acid reflux, and are just a pretty fussy little thing right now. It smells like shaving cream because your dad just got out of the shower, and it's the perfect temperature outside so we have the windows open and we can hear the wind outside rustling soon-to-be fall leaves yet on the trees.
Whatever the case, I love your faces. Every single one. I love how soft your cashmere baby-skin is. I love the little hairs on your ears that I can see just out of the corner of my eyes when I'm burping you. I love how bulky you are, how you can barely get your feet to cross because of your weirdly and adorably proportioned baby body. I love how you smell, it's like baby soaps and love. I love your coos and ah's. I love how you hold yourself up on your elbows and look around at everything wide eyed like it's the most fantastic thing you've ever seen. I love your wide dark blue eyes, especially when they find my green ones, and stay for a bit. Melts my heart. I love your teensy-tiny hands, and the way you like to keep your thumbs out, bent, kind of like a bat. (Stella Luna??) I love how your hands grip at my skin and grab me. I love how you cling to me. I love how warm you are. I love how your hair is super thin and dark brown, and you've got tons in the back that I stroke when you sleep on me. Softest thing on earth next to your baby skin. I love even how you breathe, it seems so superior to everyone elses breathing. I could watch you sleep for hours. (and do.) I love how you and dad look nestled up together, him staring at you with a grin and tired eyes. Loving eyes.
You'll never know how much I love you. Not because you are too young to know, or because I love you more than everyone else, but because I love you so much I could never possibly articulate it accurately enough for you to comprehend. Never. The love I have for you doesnt have a "place" in my heart. It envelopes it, it's in all of me. The love I have for you fills my entire being and soul. It consumes my every action and thought. I love your dad VERY much. VERY much. But I can honestly say, that having you changes the way I love. The way I think about love. Because I love you like I never knew I could love anyone.
Monday, September 10, 2012
I Hate Breastfeeding
I know. It must be shocking that some one who breastfeeds could possibly hate it. Doesn't everyone just love breastfeeding? Isn't it beautiful and natural? Isn't it the best way to bond? Yes, it is natural. But I beg to differ on the rest. (For myself anyways, I have seen some moms who do love breastfeeding, if you're considering it, go for it, the experience is different for everyone. And plenty have done it, loved it, and still do.)
Why do I hate breastfeeding? Well, let me outline the reasons.
1. The pain.
I don't care what anyone tells you, it can hurt, even when the baby has the right latch. I have seen a lactation consultant, and she said my baby has the perfect latch. For me, pumping is also a work of the devil. I find both almost excruciating and my eyes currently (and almost always have) water when Little Foot latches on, or I pump. My nipples bleed, scab, get raw, and sometimes, they scab onto my breastpads. Meaning that when I go to remove it, it rips the scab off, and I start bleeding, and then it's time to feed.
2. Little Foot hates it.
I've done everything I can to make it more pleasant for her, I make sure I'm producing milk, but express some so it doesnt come out too fast, I don't use creams or anything on my nipples, and I have tried every position possible. Sometime's she enjoys it just fine and nurses for an hour, maybe more. but sometimes this baby just flails and cries while nursing. She is latched on, and crying while she nurses. It looks like I'm gagging her with my breast, but up close you can see her sucking and swallowing. The lactation consultant told me there was not much i could do,just stay determined, because "breast is best". She looks almost as miserable as I am.
3. I hate leaking all the time
This sounds silly, but seriosly it's worse than your period. (Which, by the way, breastfeeding is supposed to keep you from having one. Not this girl.) Imagine having a part of your body that continuously drips. And you're expected to pull it out on demand, anytime, any place. This means that you could be out at a nice resteraunt and trying to enjoy a meal with your family which includes a few male relatives, and suddenly, your baby is hungry. You're not going to starve your child for your pride, so here you are pulling your breast out in public for everyone to gawk at, and embarrassing your whole family, flashing your male relatives, and letting your food go cold. THEN. when she's done, you're trying to manuever your breast back into your clothes and shit hits the fan. Your breast pad is all wrinkled up and in the wrong place, your breast wont go back into your bra, your shirt is malfunctioning, you have a baby in your lap that needs burped. etc. All the while, your breast is leaking all over the place, getting your clothes drenched in sticky, foul smelling, milk. And your baby, it's all over her/him now too. So your stuck, drenched, stained, embarrassed, and awkward. My best advice, is to just never wear anything nice, ever, when breastfeeding. It'll get ruined, and it's probably not even breastfeeding accesible, so just throw on some plain-janes and give in.
4. I cannot seem to keep my milk production up!
I've tried the teas, the pills, the pumping, the foods. Nothing but pumping every 20 mintues seems to work. I don't know about you, but pumping TAKES 15-20 minutes, and pumping every 20 minutes, seems like spending half your day with your breast in something, a baby or a pump. and Sore. Oh so sore. Not to mention, who has that much free time? just sit there pumping for 20 minutes, every twenty minutes? You can't even get through a grocery trip!
5. I absalutly hate being the only feeder
When you breast feed you can kiss those dreams good bye, literally. You won't be sleeping. Your partner can get up with you, but can never fully take care of the baby on his/her own. because you're the milk cow. You CAN always pump and store, then they can heat up a bottle, but if your having as terrible luck as i do with supply, that runs out before the night is over.
6. I don't feel bonded.
We're both miserable, we both cry when she eats, and I always feel like a pos when I breastfeed her. She looks like she hates it, cries through the whole thing 1/2 the time.
7. It most certaintly IS NOT the EASIEST OPTION
OMG. I laughed my ass off SO hard when someone mentioned that switching to formula would be 'harder' for me and her because I'd have to get up and mix a bottle. Let me mention a few fun facts here. As stated towards the end of the last paragraph in reason #3, it isn't always easiest. When you bottle feed, you get up, and go run the water till it's warm, then mix in the powder. Then you give it to your baby, burping every so often. Then they are usually so full (breastmilk digest VERY fast, meaning it takes longer to feel full, and shorter amount of time to feel hungry again.) they conk right out. And stay asleep for on average 2-3 hours longer than when breastfed, in my experience. When you breast feed at night, you have about the same situation as the one outlined in #3. Except you are trying to get the baby to latch on, and are probably hunched over, aching back while trying to feed this baby. Dozing off, probably, because it take smuch longer to breastfeed, than to bottle feed. Then, you lay her down, and in about an hour she'll be right back up, starving. Repeat ALL NIGHT. HA. Let me tell you, those are the moments when you begin to realize how some people end up shaking their babies. I'd never hurt my child. Ever. I'd rather kill myself than ever touch my baby in anger, but I definitly understand how some loose patients. It's hard to keep in mind that that's the baby's only way of communicating at such late hours, when your in pain from breastfeeding, and still listening to her cry. As a precaution, if you're ever feeling really upset, of loosing patients, or having these thoughts, la the baby down in a safe, baby safe, place and go take a moment. a crying baby, is always better than a shaken baby. ALWAYS. Or ask for help, it's never a bad thing to ask for help.
8. I can't sleep naked, or take my time getting dressed after a shower.
Yet again- the leaking
9. Sex is so different.
My breasts are sore- I want them touched, but it's too sore. I leak everywhere, so we usually just leave my shirt on. Imagine how your self esteem can get when you'r only half naked EVERY time. When you'r partner doesnt bother touching your breasts anymore because they leak, and who wants to be sticky and wet. Better yet, why would he bother when he, and the whole world, get to see them every hour when it's feeding time?
it can hurt one's self esteem for sure.
Anywho- that's how I feel about the matter. But as a disclaimer, plenty of people love breastfeeding. Some do it until their kid is years and years old, and weep at the end of their breastfeeding years. I also have/had a bit of PPD, so really, that can add to it. No two mothers are the same, neither are any two babies. So do what's best, but dont' feel bad if ou hate breastfeeding, or just don't do it. As one of my best friends said "breast is not always best.". And it's true, she has three boys and they're all developmentally normal, if not advanced. They're lovable, behave well, are smart and have amazing personalities. You'd never know the difference.
Why do I hate breastfeeding? Well, let me outline the reasons.
1. The pain.
I don't care what anyone tells you, it can hurt, even when the baby has the right latch. I have seen a lactation consultant, and she said my baby has the perfect latch. For me, pumping is also a work of the devil. I find both almost excruciating and my eyes currently (and almost always have) water when Little Foot latches on, or I pump. My nipples bleed, scab, get raw, and sometimes, they scab onto my breastpads. Meaning that when I go to remove it, it rips the scab off, and I start bleeding, and then it's time to feed.
2. Little Foot hates it.
I've done everything I can to make it more pleasant for her, I make sure I'm producing milk, but express some so it doesnt come out too fast, I don't use creams or anything on my nipples, and I have tried every position possible. Sometime's she enjoys it just fine and nurses for an hour, maybe more. but sometimes this baby just flails and cries while nursing. She is latched on, and crying while she nurses. It looks like I'm gagging her with my breast, but up close you can see her sucking and swallowing. The lactation consultant told me there was not much i could do,just stay determined, because "breast is best". She looks almost as miserable as I am.
3. I hate leaking all the time
This sounds silly, but seriosly it's worse than your period. (Which, by the way, breastfeeding is supposed to keep you from having one. Not this girl.) Imagine having a part of your body that continuously drips. And you're expected to pull it out on demand, anytime, any place. This means that you could be out at a nice resteraunt and trying to enjoy a meal with your family which includes a few male relatives, and suddenly, your baby is hungry. You're not going to starve your child for your pride, so here you are pulling your breast out in public for everyone to gawk at, and embarrassing your whole family, flashing your male relatives, and letting your food go cold. THEN. when she's done, you're trying to manuever your breast back into your clothes and shit hits the fan. Your breast pad is all wrinkled up and in the wrong place, your breast wont go back into your bra, your shirt is malfunctioning, you have a baby in your lap that needs burped. etc. All the while, your breast is leaking all over the place, getting your clothes drenched in sticky, foul smelling, milk. And your baby, it's all over her/him now too. So your stuck, drenched, stained, embarrassed, and awkward. My best advice, is to just never wear anything nice, ever, when breastfeeding. It'll get ruined, and it's probably not even breastfeeding accesible, so just throw on some plain-janes and give in.
4. I cannot seem to keep my milk production up!
I've tried the teas, the pills, the pumping, the foods. Nothing but pumping every 20 mintues seems to work. I don't know about you, but pumping TAKES 15-20 minutes, and pumping every 20 minutes, seems like spending half your day with your breast in something, a baby or a pump. and Sore. Oh so sore. Not to mention, who has that much free time? just sit there pumping for 20 minutes, every twenty minutes? You can't even get through a grocery trip!
5. I absalutly hate being the only feeder
When you breast feed you can kiss those dreams good bye, literally. You won't be sleeping. Your partner can get up with you, but can never fully take care of the baby on his/her own. because you're the milk cow. You CAN always pump and store, then they can heat up a bottle, but if your having as terrible luck as i do with supply, that runs out before the night is over.
6. I don't feel bonded.
We're both miserable, we both cry when she eats, and I always feel like a pos when I breastfeed her. She looks like she hates it, cries through the whole thing 1/2 the time.
7. It most certaintly IS NOT the EASIEST OPTION
OMG. I laughed my ass off SO hard when someone mentioned that switching to formula would be 'harder' for me and her because I'd have to get up and mix a bottle. Let me mention a few fun facts here. As stated towards the end of the last paragraph in reason #3, it isn't always easiest. When you bottle feed, you get up, and go run the water till it's warm, then mix in the powder. Then you give it to your baby, burping every so often. Then they are usually so full (breastmilk digest VERY fast, meaning it takes longer to feel full, and shorter amount of time to feel hungry again.) they conk right out. And stay asleep for on average 2-3 hours longer than when breastfed, in my experience. When you breast feed at night, you have about the same situation as the one outlined in #3. Except you are trying to get the baby to latch on, and are probably hunched over, aching back while trying to feed this baby. Dozing off, probably, because it take smuch longer to breastfeed, than to bottle feed. Then, you lay her down, and in about an hour she'll be right back up, starving. Repeat ALL NIGHT. HA. Let me tell you, those are the moments when you begin to realize how some people end up shaking their babies. I'd never hurt my child. Ever. I'd rather kill myself than ever touch my baby in anger, but I definitly understand how some loose patients. It's hard to keep in mind that that's the baby's only way of communicating at such late hours, when your in pain from breastfeeding, and still listening to her cry. As a precaution, if you're ever feeling really upset, of loosing patients, or having these thoughts, la the baby down in a safe, baby safe, place and go take a moment. a crying baby, is always better than a shaken baby. ALWAYS. Or ask for help, it's never a bad thing to ask for help.
8. I can't sleep naked, or take my time getting dressed after a shower.
Yet again- the leaking
9. Sex is so different.
My breasts are sore- I want them touched, but it's too sore. I leak everywhere, so we usually just leave my shirt on. Imagine how your self esteem can get when you'r only half naked EVERY time. When you'r partner doesnt bother touching your breasts anymore because they leak, and who wants to be sticky and wet. Better yet, why would he bother when he, and the whole world, get to see them every hour when it's feeding time?
it can hurt one's self esteem for sure.
Anywho- that's how I feel about the matter. But as a disclaimer, plenty of people love breastfeeding. Some do it until their kid is years and years old, and weep at the end of their breastfeeding years. I also have/had a bit of PPD, so really, that can add to it. No two mothers are the same, neither are any two babies. So do what's best, but dont' feel bad if ou hate breastfeeding, or just don't do it. As one of my best friends said "breast is not always best.". And it's true, she has three boys and they're all developmentally normal, if not advanced. They're lovable, behave well, are smart and have amazing personalities. You'd never know the difference.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
The First Moments of Parenthood
This is pretty much a "Part 2" to the post titled "Birth of Stella Bea". It's just the first few moments of being with her, and meeting her.
After I felt her slide out of me, and saw her tiny body in my doctors arms, I immediatly started sobbing. She was here. We'd done it! She was alive and I was going to get to hold her! I reached out my hands and waited for her to be handed to me, which felt like an eternity, but everyone present assures me that it was barely a minute. Janna took a million pictures, for which I can never thank her enough. But one meant so much to me, well two, really. There's one where she is just getting her nose suctioned and I am already holding her hand, and the other is levi cutting her cord, and I'm holding her head with my hands. These mean so much to me, because for one, its the first time I ever touched her, and for two, Janna said she'd never seen anything like that before.
Anywho, she didn't cry much when she was born and they were concerned that she'd come out to fast to clear her own lungs, so they let me hold her for a brief while and then took her back to encourage her to cry and clear her airways better. It didn't matter though, I was sobbing the whole time telling everyone how much I loved her, and how beautiful she was. Levi stroked my hair and cried with me as we watched her squirming in her little bassinet getting cleaned. We kissed and talked about how amazing she was. I let her hold my finger while she was in the bassinet, and I just couldn't take my eyes off of her. There she was.
After they'd pricked and poked her enough to 'clear' herself out, they gave her back to me to hold. I began trying to bresatfeed her, and she latched onto my breast right away, but I can't say for how long because I was having trouble staying awake. Overall, I'd been having contractions and unable to sleep for 48 hrs about, so I was pretty drained. Levi stroked her little hairs and took pictures of her. Finally, my family came in and everyone held her.
We got moved to a recovery room and finally got some alone time with the baby. Then, eventually, slept.
After I felt her slide out of me, and saw her tiny body in my doctors arms, I immediatly started sobbing. She was here. We'd done it! She was alive and I was going to get to hold her! I reached out my hands and waited for her to be handed to me, which felt like an eternity, but everyone present assures me that it was barely a minute. Janna took a million pictures, for which I can never thank her enough. But one meant so much to me, well two, really. There's one where she is just getting her nose suctioned and I am already holding her hand, and the other is levi cutting her cord, and I'm holding her head with my hands. These mean so much to me, because for one, its the first time I ever touched her, and for two, Janna said she'd never seen anything like that before.
Anywho, she didn't cry much when she was born and they were concerned that she'd come out to fast to clear her own lungs, so they let me hold her for a brief while and then took her back to encourage her to cry and clear her airways better. It didn't matter though, I was sobbing the whole time telling everyone how much I loved her, and how beautiful she was. Levi stroked my hair and cried with me as we watched her squirming in her little bassinet getting cleaned. We kissed and talked about how amazing she was. I let her hold my finger while she was in the bassinet, and I just couldn't take my eyes off of her. There she was.
After they'd pricked and poked her enough to 'clear' herself out, they gave her back to me to hold. I began trying to bresatfeed her, and she latched onto my breast right away, but I can't say for how long because I was having trouble staying awake. Overall, I'd been having contractions and unable to sleep for 48 hrs about, so I was pretty drained. Levi stroked her little hairs and took pictures of her. Finally, my family came in and everyone held her.
We got moved to a recovery room and finally got some alone time with the baby. Then, eventually, slept.
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