I Hate Breastfeeding

I know. It must be shocking that some one who breastfeeds could possibly hate it. Doesn't everyone just love breastfeeding? Isn't it beautiful and natural? Isn't it the best way to bond? Yes, it is natural. But I beg to differ on the rest. (For myself anyways, I have seen some moms who do love breastfeeding, if you're considering it, go for it, the experience is different for everyone. And plenty have done it, loved it, and still do.)

Why do I hate breastfeeding? Well, let me outline the reasons.

1. The pain.

I don't care what anyone tells you, it can hurt, even when the baby has the right latch. I have seen a lactation consultant, and she said my baby has the perfect latch. For me, pumping is also a work of the devil. I find both almost excruciating and my eyes currently (and almost always have) water when Little Foot latches on, or I pump. My nipples bleed, scab, get raw, and sometimes, they scab onto my breastpads. Meaning that when I go to remove it, it rips the scab off, and I start bleeding, and then it's time to feed.

2. Little Foot hates it.

I've done everything I can to make it more pleasant for her, I make sure I'm producing milk, but express some so it doesnt come out too fast, I don't use creams or anything on my nipples, and I have tried every position possible. Sometime's she enjoys it just fine and nurses for an hour, maybe more. but sometimes this baby just flails and cries while nursing. She is latched on, and crying while she nurses. It looks like I'm gagging her with my breast, but up close you can see her sucking and swallowing. The lactation consultant told me there was not much i could do,just stay determined, because "breast is best". She looks almost as miserable as I am.

3. I hate leaking all the time

This sounds silly, but seriosly it's worse than your period. (Which, by the way, breastfeeding is supposed to keep you from having one. Not this girl.) Imagine having a part of your body that continuously drips. And you're expected to pull it out on demand, anytime, any place. This means that you could be out at a nice resteraunt and trying to enjoy a meal with your family which includes a few male relatives, and suddenly, your baby is hungry. You're not going to starve your child for your pride, so here you are pulling your breast out in public for everyone to gawk at, and embarrassing your whole family, flashing your male relatives, and letting your food go cold. THEN. when she's done, you're trying to manuever your breast back into your clothes and shit hits the fan. Your breast pad is all wrinkled up and in the wrong place, your breast wont go back into your bra, your shirt is malfunctioning, you have a baby in your lap that needs burped. etc. All the while, your breast is leaking all over the place, getting your clothes drenched in sticky, foul smelling, milk. And your baby, it's all over her/him now too. So your stuck, drenched, stained, embarrassed, and awkward. My best advice, is to just never wear anything nice, ever, when breastfeeding. It'll get ruined, and it's probably not even breastfeeding accesible, so just throw on some plain-janes and give in.

4. I cannot seem to keep my milk production up!

I've tried the teas, the pills, the pumping, the foods. Nothing but pumping every 20 mintues seems to work. I don't know about you, but pumping TAKES 15-20 minutes, and pumping every 20 minutes, seems like spending half your day with your breast in something, a baby or a pump. and Sore. Oh so sore. Not to mention, who has that much free time? just sit there pumping for 20 minutes, every twenty minutes? You can't even get through a grocery trip!

5. I absalutly hate being the only feeder

When you breast feed you can kiss those dreams good bye, literally. You won't be sleeping. Your partner can get up with you, but can never fully take care of the baby on his/her own. because you're the milk cow. You CAN always pump and store, then they can heat up a bottle, but if your having as terrible luck as i do with supply, that runs out before the night is over.

6. I don't feel bonded.

We're both miserable, we both cry when she eats, and I always feel like a pos when I breastfeed her. She looks like she hates it, cries through the whole thing 1/2 the time.

7. It most certaintly IS NOT the EASIEST OPTION

OMG. I laughed my ass off SO hard when someone mentioned that switching to formula would be 'harder' for me and her because I'd have to get up and mix a bottle. Let me mention a few fun facts here. As stated towards the end of the last paragraph in reason #3, it isn't always easiest. When you bottle feed, you get up, and go run the water till it's warm, then mix in the powder. Then you give it to your baby, burping every so often. Then they are usually so full (breastmilk digest VERY fast, meaning it takes longer to feel full, and shorter amount of time to feel hungry again.) they conk right out. And stay asleep for on average 2-3 hours longer than when breastfed, in my experience. When you breast feed at night, you have about the same situation as the one outlined in #3. Except you are trying to get the baby to latch on, and are probably hunched over, aching back while trying to feed this baby. Dozing off, probably, because it take smuch longer to breastfeed, than to bottle feed. Then, you lay her down, and in about an hour she'll be right back up, starving. Repeat ALL NIGHT. HA. Let me tell you, those are the moments when you begin to realize how some people end up shaking their babies. I'd never hurt my child. Ever. I'd rather kill myself than ever touch my baby in anger, but I definitly understand how some loose patients. It's hard to keep in mind that that's the baby's only way of communicating at such late hours, when your in pain from breastfeeding, and still listening to her cry. As a precaution, if you're ever feeling really upset, of loosing patients, or having these thoughts, la the baby down in a safe, baby safe, place and go take a moment. a crying baby, is always better than a shaken baby. ALWAYS. Or ask for help, it's never a bad thing to ask for help.

8. I can't sleep naked, or take my time getting dressed after a shower.

Yet again- the leaking

9. Sex is so different.

My breasts are sore- I want them touched, but it's too sore. I leak everywhere, so we usually just leave my shirt on. Imagine how your self esteem can get when you'r only half naked EVERY time. When you'r partner doesnt bother touching your breasts anymore because they leak, and who wants to be sticky and wet. Better yet, why would he bother when he, and the whole world, get to see them every hour when it's feeding time?
it can hurt one's self esteem for sure.

Anywho- that's how I feel about the matter. But as a disclaimer, plenty of people love breastfeeding. Some do it until their kid is years and years old, and weep at the end of their breastfeeding years. I also have/had a bit of PPD, so really, that can add to it. No two mothers are the same, neither are any two babies. So do what's best, but dont' feel bad if ou hate breastfeeding, or just don't do it. As one of my best friends said "breast is not always best.". And it's true, she has three boys and they're all developmentally normal, if not advanced. They're lovable, behave well, are smart and have amazing personalities. You'd never know the difference.